Joe the Plumber Fixes Our Imaginary Problems

 A plumber named Joe - yes, that's right - Joe the Plumber has been working on the plumbing problems at our house as of recent.  While Becki seems to think of this as something routine, I find it downright odd.  I am, of course, aware of our very real plumbing problems.  The downstairs shower fills with dirt and water, as if it is in the business of making people dirty rather than clean.  It is a defiant shower.  The toilet had a leak, and the sink was clogged as well.  All the while we have two other functional bathrooms.

So it is strange, then, when Joe the Plumber comes to our house and begins to tell us why these problems exist in the first place, detailing what he will do to repair those things.  To me it is as if he is saying "You have an invisible fairy on your shoulder, and she's got a broken wing, and it's really important that I fix it.  Don'tcha see?"  No Joe, I don't see.  But I will take your word for it, I guess.  This becomes even more apparent when  one of our functional bathrooms becomes a focal area for Joe as well.  The diverter in the shower is broken, but it's not the bathroom we use in the morning anyway, so does it really matter?  Ah, but it matters to the wife.  So it matters.  Understood.  Furthermore, the broken diverter is symptomatic of deeper bathroom ailments.  Our diverter is "special."  Judging from the pesky placement of our invisible plumbing problems, this confounded diverter must have been installed by a mischievous leprechaun.  

Fixing the invisible fairy's broken wing involves ripping out the wall of the shower, delving deep into the plumbing, making a hole in the wall that bridges bathroom and living room, and leaving a hole in the living room wall for future plumber access.  "Cover it with a picture, 'ya see."  No Joe, I don't see.  But that's okay.

It really is okay.  But it is strange.  I am very pragmatic when it comes to things around the house.  I learn to live with broken things, and when someone attempts to fix them I say "But why?  We have lived with that broken thing for years!"  That is just how I am.  

Add to this the fact that Joe the Plumber said (on separate occasions) to both my wife and I "You know, when you guys have kids you'll have to get rid of all those cats.  They spread infection."  This, of course, is why there are no families in the world that have both cats and children, Joe.  Clearly.  I did not bother to argue because Joe held the bowels of our house in his hands, and thereby our bowels as well.  Never argue with a man who is holding your bowels in his hands.  

Joe, we plan on keeping our cats, but we might get rid of you.   You might spread infection.  The jury is out on this one.  We shall see.  So far Joe has left his bag of plumbing goodies at our house after hours by accident and had to retrieve it off the clock.  To his credit, he has fixed everything he has touched in our house, and he works for a major company.  This means if our house falls into the bowels of the Earth (I know, more talk of bowels), I can call his company and complain.